Pause before you speak
The next time someone finishes say something to you, wait one brief moment to respond. Take a breath before you make your next point, ask a question, or otherwise respond to what has been said. You can also pause while speaking. The best presenters do this often.
Of course, pauses mean silence. Usually, when we experience silence, we habitually fill the void with filler words and sentences. Much time is wasted by people spewing sentences to fill a conversational void.
Becoming comfortable with moments of silence can be a superpower. This is why need to train ourselves not to panic when we experience one moment of silence.
Reasons to pause before speaking
Pauses allow people to complete their thoughts. Sometimes, a little silence in conversation gives the person you are talking to the space they need to follow their idea to its conclusion. They may surprise themselves (and you) by saying something insightful that otherwise would have gone unthought and unsaid if we quickly grabbed at our turn to speak.
Pauses show that you listen. When you wait for the person to finish, you show you are thinking about what they are saying, rather than merely waiting for your turn to talk. During your pause, you may realize that the more important thing than you talking would be ask a follow up question instead. Then you better understand what they are thinking and feeling. You further demonstrate you are listening.
Pauses force you to be more intentional about what you say. The moment of pause allows you to better respond rather than react to people because you allow yourself to process what they have said. You gain time to reconsider your initial reactions, which are not always the best reactions. You can better choose the ideas you think are worth sharing.
Pauses demonstrate listening and build rapport. People respect people who think before they speak. They listen more closely to what you have to say. Your words deliver more impact.
When you are finished speaking, try to allow the space before your conversation partner speaks, too. Resist the urge to follow up on yourself if they don’t speak immediately.
One second of silence in conversation may feel like an eternity. But it’s not. You will be wiser for waiting the moment to speak.
Try it and see what happens. Next time someone finishes talking, take a breath. Relax the muscles you are tensing. Allow the silence to exist. Then speak with greater clarity and intention.
